giving thanks.

today is my favorite day of the entire year. it's a day filled with laughter, tears, love, friends, family, cooking, food, wine and memories. it's not about gifts, it's not about giving, it's about recognizing how blessed we are regardless of our circumstances. i have so many things to be thankful for it's hard to even start.

i have two healthy parents that have been in love for over 45 years. they have taught me more lessons than i can imagine. they support me unconditionally even if it means picking up and moving my life 1000 miles away chasing my dreams.

i have a sister that is my best friend regardless of growing pains. she and my brothers have brought me a gaggle of nieces and nephews that although at times make me want to pull out my hair, life would never be the same without. 

i have two cats that stick with me through thick and thin (mainly because i feed them). they lick my salty tears, they curl up in the crook of my knees at night when it's cold, and they teach me lessons in patience everyday. 

i have amazing friends that stick with me through all of my crazies. they keep me grounded like a kite, allowing me to soar in the wind and fly away, yet tethering me to the them regardless of how far i fly. 

5 months ago i picked up my life and i moved, scared and alone i found myself in an amazing community that instantly felt like home. i have met amazing people, that have made me part of their own. i have had the opportunity to sell my crafts, i have been encouraged and inspired to think bigger, i have been given the tools to do all of this. i love my life, i love my family, i love my friends. 

this is the first holiday in my 31 years that i have spent without my "family" and although tears are shed, i know that my afternoon that is to be filled with friends, laughter, and wine,  awaits me with open arms. 

i'm not sure who even reads this but i just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. this is me. all me. and your silent support is more important to me than you will ever know. 

the picture i am posting today is sort of odd for today yet incredibly appropriate in it's own way. there's a bit of sadness to it, yet, something about it makes me incredibly happy.

have a happy thanksgiving everyone! may your day be filled with love, laughter, and grace.

xoxo.

finding gems in webs.

i feel like a broken record. constantly talking about the beauty i find in the rain. i just can't help it though, here in portland it is literally everywhere. just the other day while walking out of my front door i was once again confronted with stunning visual imagery. now although the rain droplets on the  web aren't an original image, meaning it's been taken before, i still absolutely love the effect that it creates. like pearls dangling from a web. this is an image that i will take over and over as i wasn't able to fully capture it the way it was scene in my minds eye but this is just the beginning.

 

 attached to the web above was this fallen leaf. it was waving in the gentle breeze so being able to take a picture was a lot harder than it appears, the leaf being a moving target and all.... i was however delighted by the images i was able to capture. my favorite being the reflection in the droplet. 

xoxo.

 

falling in love...

so i know i keep saying this BUT what an amazing life altering experience this has been leaving everything i know and moving somewhere completely different. it's not just about learning to readjust your life, learning to weave your ways into the lives of others, learning to be completely open and vulnerable to everything around you. there is so much "new" happening that it's hard to forget that what's new to you isn't new to everyone around you. and although i like to think that my enthusiasm is catching and contagious, the truth is, it's not for everyone. just like weather isn't for everyone. of course, we will have this conversation again in a couple of months as everyone keeps drilling into my head that the doom of the gloom of the winters of the pacific northwest is coming and that it is surely to pierce through my positiveness. but screw that, why look ahead to what awful is to come? why not just experience and enjoy the now??? it's like riding a bicycle up a hill, never look up, just down. see whats directly underfoot, not the giant hill that is gonna cause muscle spasms and heart palpitations. so that's exactly what i'm gonna do. enjoy and experience what is happening around me now, and then just wait to see what fun comes "then". ironically of course, unlike the hill, i am gonna look up. because although one persons leaves falling signifies the cold and dark to come, to me, it's simply the beauty of mother nature in all of her glory. and hot damn she's beautiful.

xoxo.

to each their own, right?

what can i say. i have a strange affinity for the supernatural. always have, always will. and with that strange affinity comes an even odder sense of calmness and beauty that i find in cemetery's. the older the better. i remember throwing a hissy in paris because i didn't want to go to the louvre, i wanted to go to pere lachaise cemetery instead. there is something so, um, awe invoking, about the quiet there, the history, the tears and sorrow that soak the earth, the amount of passion whether good or bad that is expressed there. there is a beauty to the stone work for tombstones, the love put into mausoleums, the poetry (or not) chosen to be written as a final glance into who someone once was... mother, father, woodsman, teacher..... and when i write "there", it's not anywhere in particular, its just cemetery's in general. the point of all this is, while a friend was in town visiting, we happened upon a beautiful cemetery. both of us being fans, we stopped and walked around. (this being her first place out of the car in portland, leading later to good stories and odd looks). i was instantly struck by the fact that these beautiful grounds were over shadowed by towers of some sort, be they radio or cellular, it was an incredible juxtaposition! and being me, i whipped out the ever handy powershot from my purse and embarked on a new expedition. i wanted to share the following photos. there's a certain calmness to them that i have a hard time explaining, i just feel it. maybe it's all in my head. maybe this is why other people are supposed to help edit, it's harder to step away and see things for what they are when you have an emotional attachment to it. but regardless.... on this all hallows eve weekend i bring you something a little creepy....... muhahahhahaha.

oh, and is it just me or is "kuehle" just a really neato way of making "cool" your last name?

xoxo.

what a difference three months makes.

3 months ago, before i left san diego, i went to what was by far the very best show i had ever been to. i was completely in awe as i watched these 4 young gents from london put their heart and soul into this very intimate show at the belly up in san diego. there was so much pride and excitement exuding from these men, the energy completely contagious. it felt to every person there that marcus mumford was singing directly at you. as if it was you and him and his guitar. intimacy at it's finest in a crowd of a couple hundred at most. when i saw they were coming to portland i didn't even blink when it came to buying my ticket, this was one show i was not going to miss. oh how i wish i had. not to say that they weren't still amazing, that the music still didn't move me, it's just that, well, there was no way that they could ever recreate that moment that we shared a mere three months ago. i was trying to explain this disappointment to a friend and i came up with a couple of things. to start, it was perhaps one of the most obnoxious venues i have ever been to. the crystal ballroom should be ashamed. i have never experienced a place where the 80's dance party that they were throwing downstairs completely overshadowed the sold out show occurring in the ballroom. you could literally hear the downstairs music over the band. wtf!!! the second thing that i had a harder time explaining yet, thankfully captured, was the new found pyrotechnics that they added to their show. (now, perhaps i am a bit biased as i was thoroughly annoyed with kings of leon and their pyrotechnics as well BUT......) some may say that the fireworks happen when a band makes it big, that that's kind of like how you know they are now somebody, well, if that's the case, i want mumford and sons to remain nobodies. it completely took away from the beauty of the music. it was an absolute distraction and spectacle. i think those kinds of hyjinks should be reserved for bands that need the distractions from their lacking in substance music. it makes me sad to write this and feel so disappointed. it makes me sad to feel that there went another great band.... le sigh. anyways, i took a few pictures, shocking i know, and thought i would share. the last one being the only one i like. it's simple, quiet, beautiful, like their music, before it got all out of control. 

  hurts, doesn't it.

xoxo.

a little bit about inspiration.

so i have been a bit on hiatus and i recognize that i need to get back to the basics. i have been having a lul in my photography but a surge in my other creative sides. so i started getting back into playing with feathers and it's funny, they are actually being sold. in a store and everything. who woulda thunk that this was one avenue that this journey was going to take! the other day, while chicken sitting, i suddenly found myself at this intersecting point where my crafts crossed paths so to speak. the chickens not only photographically inspired me, but they also inspired my feathers, my colors, my hair clips. here is a slight glimpse into a creative journey that i embarked on. 

xoxo.

fun with aperture.

i've been staring at this photo for a couple of days now, and i really want to like it, but i don't, it's just not perfect. granted,i was slightly tipsy (wink wink), camera hanging out of bus window, blindly attempting to capture it right. harrumphing when i knew i hadn't. regardless of blowing the shot, i'm just tickled pink to think about the fact that for a couple of minutes, i stood up on a big yellow school bus, slightly tipsy (wink wink), wind blowing mischievously, arms hanging outside, crossing the st. johns bridge. 

today i decided to remember that inner child i recaptured on the bus and let loose, be a kid again, go wild. so, i played with aperture. i know i know i know. but what the heck. it turned out kinda  fun. thoughts?

the first one is the original photo taken without the manipulation.

and then this is where i decided to start to play.

xoxo.

sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

since moving to the pnw, i have done something that i RARELY do, i have gotten lost in the moment. i can't count the number of times that i have stopped and gone, crap, no camera, or crap, how did i only take 5 pictures, or crap, none at all. well the truth is, i have been to busy living to stop and watch. which is awesome for me, piss poor for sticking to goals and working on what i am here for. although, really, i am here for life anyways so i guess, who's to say that i am not doing exactly what i am supposed to be doing. but anywho, as always, i digress. but i am making an honest attempt to get back into the swing of things, start carving out my niche and going with it. 

i took this picture the other day. for those of you who know me, know i love birds, and this i love. too me it's haunting and poetic. enough said by me.  what do you think?

xoxo.

music to my eyes.

well, there is no surprise here that i am a big ol fan of le music. not that i know a thing about it,  or have the ability to carry a tune, or play an instrument for that matter. but for those who actually posses the ability to do so, a grand stand of kudos to you. i bow to you. i salute you. so as i am trying to work out through the kinks of my photographic abilities, i decided to take a great opportunity and photograph some friends while they were at work. i am by no means a music photographer, it's so much harder than it looks, but i am gonna practice practice practice until i feel comfortable about it. and portland, oh my, could there be a better place to learn? and at least i get to learn in the comfort of my own devices, no horrendous josephina here to smack my hand because of improper technique. sheesh, that flashback just made me realize why the piano never took for me. what an asshole that woman was. oh well, i digress. no josephina here. and hopefully those whom i will be able to learn from, will do so with a delicate touch. as always, all constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. this is a forum for me to grow people, and i can't learn if no one tells me different.  and i can hardly believe that i am just that awesome. :)

xoxo.

excitment.

well kids. i did it. i packed up my life and moved to oregon. and so far my friends, it has been an exciting adventure to the say the least. it's funny the first question anyone asks here is, what brings you to portland. lets face it, you kinda have to move here for a purpose as the weather lacks a bit in the open arm friendly inviting kind of way. but here's the deal, i don't really have a purpose. i came here to fine tone my passions. to follow them. live them wildly. to explore. to get excited. 

it has taken me a week and i am happy to say i have finally began taking photos. and more importantly, mistakes or not, i am finally getting excited about what i am taking. it's what i needed to jump back on track and get with the program for what i am doing here. so next time someone asks, instead of saying life, i wanna proudly say, i am chasing my passion. that's why i am here. that's what i am doing. and gosh darn it. i am excited about it.

i took this from the car while road tripping up here. it wasn't where my intention laid but for some inexplicable reason, i love it.

some more car driving photo taking gone right.

a washington state river.

 

more river runs through it action. i wanted my friends to come out in the photo and just not be the focal point. i love how it turned out.

the following two flowers were taken with two seperate 

cameras. i wasn't sure why the background kept overexposing but i totally dug it. and on the second one, i wanted the follow through of the red in the background to be there.... both were taken intentionally, i just can't decide which i like better. maybe i don't have to pick favorites...

what's exciting about this one above is that i feel like it looks photoshopped where really it was just the way i shot it.

xoxo.

buggin' out and then some.

stress is really not even a word that qualifies what it feels like to move states with in two weeks, have no income, and have no place to call home. so buggin out qualifies beautifully for right now. anywho, i am short on words but here are a couple of bug pics i've captured this week and the last one is an orchid that i seem to think looks like a penguin. or mole. or something.

xoxo.

diving into boudoir from all sorts of angles.

i had the amazing opportunity to work with a terrific model and dive into the world of boudoir photography the other day. it was really funny because it was something i had never done before, nor had she, and we were both a little nervous to begin with. ( i would probably recommend a glass of wine for both the model and the photographer to start in the future! :) ) it was also interesting trying to figure out what type of angle i wanted to take. she had asked me to take these for her because she appreciated my "eye" and i wanted to be sure to not disapoint. the thing with boudoir is, there is such a fine line between tasteful and tasteless, tacky and classy, porno and art. as i snapped away i just wasn't achieving what i wanted. and then finally, it clicked. i was looking at this all wrong. she wanted my eye and i wasn't using it. i was too busy trying to "get pictures" as a whole that i stopped being true to my artistic self and stopped looking for what i do best, seeing the picture within the picture, working out the lines. and when that mental click finally occurred, everything after that was just gold. she and i couldn't help but loosen up and smile. i personally think that i was able to achieve tasteful, classy, artistic shots, what do you think?

so the following sequence of photos just shows how a little shift in position can change a photo dramatically. this is why i have such a hard time self editing, i like each one for a completely different reason. 

oh, and as usual, no photoshop involved. just a yellow filter and a beautiful canvas. 

xoxo.